There are days when nothing feels right, everything is a blur and all we can think of is about the deepest most saddest parts of our lives. We all have those days, we all have those moments of self doubt and misery. But sometimes, its’s not just moments, but hours. And sometimes those hours don’t seem to end. Every night you go to sleep thinking the next morning will bring peace, but life doesn’t work that way. So you wait and you wait for the pain in your heart to stop, for your soul to heal. In the meantime you get out of bed, eat cereal, commute to work, talk to smiling people at work, finish off assignments for the day, laugh with people and try to kid yourself into believing you are fine. Those days (weeks, months, years) define the sort of person you are. Are you weak, strong, funny, miserable or wearing the mask of happiness and faking through life?
One such day,
I contemplated lying to my boss that I had a migraine to get out of work.
I made up dialogues in my head as to how that would go.
“Sir, could I leave work early? I need to get my migraine medicines”.
I went into the washroom, made sure it was empty and cried.
There was this deep, grueling pain in my chest.
Came back to my cubicle like nothing was wrong; even smiled at a colleague.
But then I realised.
Why couldn’t I tell him the truth?
My mental health is as important as my physical health. Maybe even more important at times. But still, if a time came when I was too depressed to work, I had to lie about a migraine or a fever. He would then ask me to consult the physician. But that’s not going to work.
Why is mental health not as important as physical health then?
“It is easier to feign being depressed to get out of work” – an argument I read somewhere. But it is also easy to feign a head ache and get out of work.
It is still acceptable to say that you have a migraine than say you are too sad to stare at a computer screen. Because if you’re sad, you need to buckle up and be strong. Sadness is a sign of weakness and success is not for the weak, right? Wrong ideas.
Sometimes even if you want to change the way you feel and think, it’s not easy to do so. Your body wants you to talk to people, feel the happiness and love around you; but your mind isn’t ready. It is stuck in things you don’t want to think about, things that bring back that pain in your chest.
Ever heard that “inspiring” story about what happens when a potato, an egg and a coffee bean is put in boiling water? The coffee bean wins because it changed the environment to something everyone enjoys. So apparently, your attitude towards things will change the way you feel.
No, it’s not that easy. Sometimes time, care, love, attention and medication help. Sometimes even a good crying session will do.
But whatever it is that you need to do to save yourself, you should not have to lie and say it’s a migraine. Take the day off if you feel a pit in your stomach and your body feels like it’s going to give up. Don’t play it off as fever, headache or the flu. There is nothing wrong in wanting to take care of your mental health.
So next time I want to leave early I’ll tell my manager that I am sad and I need some time off.
Is this me giving up? No, it is me trying to better myself.
In the long run of things, one day at home is still better than weeks or months or years of hopeless, self-despised living.
At least, that’s what I think.
take care of your mind, body and soul
This post is for those people who need that extra help to get through the day. It is terrifying to disclose something so personal to the world, but I am doing it tonight. I have fortunately never been diagnosed with any issues, but I can imagine how it feels to go through tough times. Stay strong and take care of yourself ❤