Mental Health

There are days when nothing feels right, everything is a blur and all we can think of is about the deepest most saddest parts of our lives. We all have those days, we all have those moments of self doubt and misery. But sometimes, its’s not just moments, but hours.  And sometimes those hours don’t seem to end. Every night you go to sleep thinking the next morning will bring peace, but life doesn’t work that way. So you wait and you wait for the pain in your heart to stop, for your soul to heal. In the meantime you get out of bed, eat cereal, commute to work, talk to smiling people at work, finish off assignments for the day, laugh with people and try to kid yourself into believing you are fine. Those days (weeks, months, years) define the sort of person you are. Are you weak, strong, funny, miserable or wearing the mask of happiness and faking through life?

One such day,

I contemplated lying to my boss that I had a migraine to get out of work.

I made up dialogues in my head as to how that would go.

“Sir, could I leave work early? I need to get my migraine medicines”.

I went into the washroom, made sure it was empty and cried.

There was this deep, grueling pain in my chest.

Came back to my cubicle like nothing was wrong; even smiled at a colleague.

But then I realised.

Why couldn’t I tell him the truth?

My mental health is as important as my physical health. Maybe even more important at times. But still, if a time came when I was too depressed to work, I had to lie about a migraine or a fever. He would then ask me to consult the physician. But that’s not going to work.

Why is mental health not as important as physical health then?

“It is easier to feign being depressed to get out of work” – an argument I read somewhere. But it is also easy to feign a head ache and get out of work.

It is still acceptable to say that you have a migraine than say you are too sad to stare at a computer screen. Because if you’re sad, you need to buckle up and be strong. Sadness is a sign of weakness and success is not for the weak, right? Wrong ideas.

Sometimes even if you want to change the way you feel and think, it’s not easy to do so. Your body wants you to talk to people, feel the happiness and love around you; but your mind isn’t ready. It is stuck in things you don’t want to think about, things that bring back that pain in your chest.

Ever heard that “inspiring” story about what happens when a potato, an egg and a coffee bean is put in boiling water? The coffee bean wins because it changed the environment to something everyone enjoys. So apparently, your attitude towards things will change the way you feel.

No, it’s not that easy. Sometimes time, care, love, attention and medication help. Sometimes even a good crying session will do.

But whatever it is that you need to do to save yourself, you should not have to lie and say it’s a migraine. Take the day off if you feel a pit in your stomach and your body feels like it’s going to give up. Don’t play it off as fever, headache or the flu. There is nothing wrong in wanting to take care of your mental health.

So next time I want to leave early I’ll tell my manager that I am sad and I need some time off.

Is this me giving up? No, it is me trying to better myself.

In the long run of things, one day at home is still better than weeks or months or years of hopeless, self-despised living.

At least, that’s what I think.

 

take care of your mind, body and soul

love,

me:)

Photo Courtesy – http://www.healthyplace.com/insight/quotes/quotes-on-mental-illness-stigma/

 

 

This post is for those people who need that extra help to get through the day. It is terrifying to disclose something so personal to the world, but I am doing it tonight. I have fortunately never been diagnosed with any issues, but I can imagine how it feels to go through tough times. Stay strong and take care of yourself ❤

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A Walk In The Rain

You’d think I am the sort of person who listens at least to myself.

For the last one week I have been telling myself that I should carry my umbrella in the morning when I go to work. It rains every evening and I have a proper 15-20 minute walk distance between my flat and the bus stop. So if it rains, I kept telling myself, I am going to get soaking wet and catch a cold.

But did I listen to myself? Absolutely not.

And then, it rained yesterday.
Now, the logical thing for anyone to do at that point will be to get an autorikshaw and go home rather than walk in the raining, cold dark night.

But did I do that? Absolutely not.

I got down at the bus stop, and decided to run back home.

But am I fit enough to run? Absolutely not.

So I ended up doing this weird power-walk/jog/run/cover-head/try-to-not-get-hit-by-a-bus thing and I saw this girl coming opposite me. This rockstar was walking in the pouring rain like she owned the place.

It was cold. It was dark. It was wet. It was uncomfortable AF. The rockstar girl however looked like she was taking a stroll under the nice warm sun in some Goan beach. She was enjoying the rain.

And then I felt shame kicking in. Here I was , on a Friday evening, trying to run away from something childhood me would’ve killed for – walking around in the rain! So I decided to join ranks with Rockstar Girl and slowed down, stopped covering my head and looked up at the dark sky.

It was pretty cool to just walk in the rain, without a care in the world, enjoying the walk, the feel of rain drops on my face, nice cold breeze…

Up until the damn chill starts getting into your bones. Like seriously, I felt my findernails freezing. And then the men on the streets…
WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH MEN AND STARING AT WOMEN IN RAIN? The number of people who kept ogling at me was irritatingly high. More than just the usual stare, this was more like a “checking you out top to bottom to make sure we don’t miss anything” sort of a situation. And it’s not even like I was soaking wet and dancing around like Tip Tip Barsa Paani! Men, chill a bit. It’s only a girl walking home in the rain, not your wildest fantasies coming to life! Gawd!

Also there was this poop thing that bothered me. In the morning I distinctly remember seeing poop on the road (human/dog/both, it’s a mystery really) at various places. In the evening however, all of that was gone. So there are 2 possilities – either someone came and cleaned it up or it got mixed with the rain water and got on my feet mixed with the mud.
With my luck, the poop’s on me.

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Then there were these vehicles who love splashing water on unsuspecting pedestrians. I didn’t get splashed only because another poor soul decided to walk past me at that point and got hit.
Lastly, I am definitely catching a cold or fever or something. I have this feeling. (Update: The feeling was right. But I am fine now)

Moral of the story is:

  1. Even if you don’t listen to anyone else, listen to yourself. Please do!
  2. Don’t look at random Rockstar Girls and decide to walk in the rain. For all you know, she might be some sort of reverse Daenerys Targaryen person who has immense control to withstand cold climate. You have no such skills, you will freeze to death. In poop mixed dirt.
  3. Teach sons to stop ogling at women. It’s rude, it’s disrespectful and very very cheap.

Photo Courtesy – http://www.bustle.com/articles/22459-how-do-i-ask-to-be-dominated-a-5-step-guide-to-making-your-fantasy-happenhttp://iamawsum.deviantart.com/art/Its-Raining-Cats-and-Dogs-346403680

Things I Like About Myself || The Miranda Sings Award

Last time I was nominated for an award, I totally procrastinated and did not do it. I felt horrible; like I was being horribly disrespectful to the person who nominated me (Sorry Savio! Your blog is still bomb tho ❤ )

This time I have been nominated by Strictly Light Hearted who is tots adorbs and a sweetheart! I am supposed to state 7 things I love about myself and since we are on the subject of 7 things I like about myself, I am going to leave this here:

Also, this song used to be my absolute favourite jam and it came out in 2008. The fact that 2008 was 8 years ago makes me feel hella old and since this is not a post about how unfair aging is, let’s go back to things I like about myself –

  • I am well aware of who I am: There are people who say they took forever to figure out who they were. I sort of know who I am perfectly. I am the slob who is capable of not getting out of bed for weeks as long as I am provided with food and wifi. I am also the idiot who cannot cross roads on her own. I am the unbelievable nerd who can still tell you things she learned in school but cannot calculate 7+6 without her fingers. I am also the person who is kind, compassionate and loving. Oh oh, I am the one who procrastinates her way out of nominations (-.-).

  • Feel em’ vibes – Understanding what the person I am talking to is actually like has helped me out of tons of possible crap that could’ve happened to me. Like seriously, some people out there have rotten vibes. I figure out these people very well and stay as far away from them as possible.
  • Self-Dependent – My mom keeps telling me that I never listen to anyone’s advice. That is totally wrong. I do listen, I rarely follow it. Thing is, I am very dependent on myself and that means I take my own decisions and stick with that. I don’t mind people telling me what to do but chances are, I will end up doing what my heart tells me to do.
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And that also means more often that not, I end up having to pick up my own crap. And that is okay.
  • A bit o’ self obsession – I cannot stress this enough, but loving yourself is the most important thing in the world. Only a person who loves the way they are can then do great things in life. Don’t be obsessed with yourself though, that will cloud you from listening to constructive criticism others give you.  A little obsession never hurt though, right? Right? Right? 😛
  • I care – I know that simply caring about certain things cannot make any difference to the world, your actions matter. But it is one step closer to the change you’d want to make. For example, last day someone messaged me and during our conversation this person told me that my profile picture made me look like a trans-woman.  Me being a supporter of the LGBTQ+ community replied with this:

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I hate it when people use terms like gay, transgender etc. as derogatory words. There is nothing to be ashamed about what gender you identify as or what gender you fall in love with. I care for the people who suffer because of the negativity associated to these words.

Now, if I had not cared, I wouldn’t have made someone see a little sense now, would I? (I do not think this person actually understood what I tried to tell, but I hope they did).

 

  • My baby is still alive – there is nothing I am more proud about than this blog right here. It is testament to the fact that if I like something I’ll stick to doing it. It is testament to the fact that there are a lot of nice, genuine writers out there. It is also testament to the fact that I can sort of write (something I did not believe in before). Also, now when people ask me about my hobbies, I don’t have to lie and say I like hiking or whatever. I can give them the URL to this 😀
  • Not too much mess (yet!) – Thing is, I grew up in a pretty small town and life was much different. I studied well, had friends and the teachers liked me. I thought I was one of the best people to have existed. This sort of thinking can really screw up a teenager, especially when college hits and you realise you are nothing but a big ol’ pile of poop. I see people making terrible choices around me but I stay clean of it.I don’t know how I didn’t mess up, but I am grateful I didn’t!

Now I would like to nominate these 7 peeps! –

The Extraa Mile

Musing Site

Mr. Tookles 

Shiny Buttons Blog

That Weird Brown Girl 

Musings of an Indian Aussie Hijabi 

Have fun writing, guys!

 

love,

me:)

Photo Courtesy – http://stevenjoan.tumblr.com/http://s657.photobucket.com/user/crazychica572/media/funny%20animals/dog-doing-his-own-chores.jpg.htmlhttp://www.thejewelleryeditor.com/bridal/the-princess-effect-how-tiaras-became-fashionable-again/