Thoughts during an Uber ride

See… I am a lazy bum. I also do not know how to drive. This means that if I am to go out of the house, someone has to appear with some kind of vehicle. I rarely have people around me who are ready to do my bidding. This is why I have a serious romance with Uber. Also, this is not a paid AD for Uber (I Wish!); the romance is real. If you are an Uber user, you are bound to relate to the following.

  • Finding that perfect Uber

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I mean, I know it’s not my skill or my decision as to which Uber I get, but I like to think I have something do with acquiring that perfect Uber. You know, the one that’s close but not too close that you have no time to apply your Kajal or fill in your eyebrow (or whatever it is that non-makeup users do in the last minute).

 

 

  • The first callย 

Not very romantic when your Uber driver is a 40 year old father of 3, but nevertheless someone has to call the other and I end up waiting for the driver to call me. And since I don’t call the guy, I end up stalking the car on the App.

  • Endless stalk

I make fun of my mom for staring at the miniature car going around on the App but sometimesย Iย do the same. As I wait for the driver to call me I App-stalk the car making those tiny turns. Sometimes I see the poor guy going in some wrong direction I still won’t call. (#HorriblePersonAlert).

  • Leaving on Time

 

Along with being a lazy bum, I am also very impatient. So when I have to take an Uber it is with utmost care that I leave the house. There is a sweet spot in time when you get down to the entrance of your flat’s building and see the Uber coming into the compound. Only a trained professional can actually achieve that though. I can, sometimes ๐Ÿ˜Ž

 

  • Finding the Uber IRL1f5w0mq

Now, it’s not always that you get in that above-mentioned time frame. Either you’re late or the Uber is; and in addition to being a lazy bum and anย impatient person I am also perpetually late. This means I have to employ my App stalking skills IRL and find that Uber in the midst of all the cars around. It’s not very tough, but is still a task if the Uber is parked farther than you expected.

 

  • Will the Uber smell like lunch? :/

If you’re someone who threads your eyebrows at a parlour you know how to guess the parlour lady’s lunch from the smell in her hands (is that gross?). I do the same in Ubers. Not a very fun game; but it surely does pass time. It can also give your Biryani cravings if that’s what you smell in there.

  • Do I smell like Lunch?

Close in line with the Uber’s smell is my paranoia that I might actually smell like lunch. Either that or my perfume is too much. Or I stink. You can never win with olfactory I tell you!

  • Which route to take?

If there are multiple routes to a place it’s always irritating choosing the efficient path. You know the traffic is going to be hell in route A, and lesser in route B. But route B is longer and you are already late. You gmble with luck take the shorter route praying to not get stuck in traffic.

Chances are, with my luck, I’ll get stuck in the worst traffic of the decade๐Ÿ˜’

  • The awkward talking scenes

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You’d think these issues pop up only on first dates! But no, Uber rides are apparently like first dates :/

Some people like my dad are natural Uber talkers who make conversation with the drivers like they’ve been friends since second grade. I, however have no idea what to do some days and end up hearing Uber’s pay scheme for the millionth time (how Uber pays their drivers is my go to conversation point. I have now reached a point where I could probably write a paper on it.)

  • The music conundrum

Headphones? No headphones? One headphone in? Volume low? Too low you can’t hear. Gawd.

  • Directions when you’re almost there

At this time you realise you don’t really know the way to your friends place or to that restaurant you’ve been to a million times. So you tell the guy to follow the GPS and next thing you know, the GPS stays “your destination is on your left” and instead of a restaurant, all you see is a hardware store:/

  • That final goodbye


It’s notย supposed to be weird getting out of an Uber, but for awkward me it’s a big deal. First of all, I always forget to tell the guy “thanks” because I am oh-so-excited about reaching my destination. Then I sort of turn back and say thanks and by then the dude is already looking away. He then hears me and turns to look at me with a “what did you say?” look and then I have to say thanks again but now that he has turned I feel like I need to add more so I say something like ” thanks for the ride, nice car” or “thanks for the ride, nice playlist” or “thanks for the ride, good lunch” or something stupid and it just becomes very yuck.

If you don’t relateย this or think this is too far fetched, you’re probably not an awkward person, so be glad and share the post. If you do relate to this, thank you for understanding, share the post.:P

But seriously, are you guys ever this awkward in Uber’s/Ola/Autorikshaw or whatever you use? It cannot be just me. Let me know in the comments section so I don’t feel like a total bum.

love,

me:)

 

Photo Courtesy –ย https://onsizzle.com/i/nelson-mandela-facebook-probably-not-the-best-tactic-car-264117ย ,ย https://onsizzle.com/i/uber-twitter-when-you-dont-feel-like-talking-9192,ย https://thoughtcatalog.files.wordpress.com/2016/04/1f5w0mq.jpgย ,ย http://www.memegen.com/meme/qj8xvx

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What not to do when you’re sick.

So I have been sick the last couple of days and I realised that every time I get sick there are certain things I keep doing which should have killed me. I still do them anyway and repeat them next time I get sick too. Here’s a list.

  • Pretend you’re “finee!”

The very first thing I do when I get sick is to tell everyone, including myself that I am “finee!”. I might sound like my throat is on fire or my body temperature must be enough to make an omelette, but I will still be “excellent, thank you for asking!”. Certain people are abused a number of times  for repeatedly asking me if I am fine (I know it’s out of concern for me, but I really get annoyed you see).

Then inevitably a time will come when I finally accept to myself that maybe there is a little sickness in me and that really sucks.

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“I am FINEE!”
  • Eat them tabs

I always advise people to not self-medicate. I am also a hypocrite. So what’s the first thing I do when I fall ill?

Yes, I get the medicines all by myself (who else knows my body better than myself?) and eat them and expect miracles to happen in the next 24 hours. It has one in 15 chances of working (accurate, legit statistics.)  and so mostly I end up feeling like shit and death feels closer than ever.

  • Drink tea and pretend your body will heal itself

If I can bring myself to stand up, I will make tea and then imagine it running through my veins, healing me (Yes, a load of bull crap, but that’s how I think). Needless to say that’s never the case and after the hot tea is consumed, the ill state of affairs come back.

  • Just stay in bed and YouTube all day

Usually, I am a person who is addicted to YouTube. When I am sick, I am some who cannot stop watching YouTube. I watch every new and old video available on it and just stay in bed. If no one has ever told this to you before, YouTube stars cannot come help you when you’re sick. Try telling a friend to call an auto and get you to a doctor ASAP.

  • Bath

My sicknesses usually center around my pulmonary system (IGoogledItForYou) which means I must protect myself from exposure to cold and wet environments. However, one thing I do when I feel very very sick is to take a nice long bath. I do use hot water though, but usually this makes me even more sick (I know this, but I do it anyway because habits.). I then progress to a state worse than ever before, scaring my parents and friends. They positively think I am dying by now but I’m officially still “finee!”.

  • Not go to a doctor

Any normal person by now would go to a doctor or ask someone to take them to one. So why don’t I do that?

I don’t like doctors or hospitals or clinics or basically any place which has the authority to put a syringe into me. And I would happily die than have someone hold me down and inject me. It is this kind of thinking that makes you very very sick. But like I said, I am a hypocrite and I barely ever follow my advice when it comes to illness. Thing is, I end up having to go to a doctor anyway and chances are they are forced to put a syringe in me because of how long it took me to consult one (by which time I am right there next to Lucifer.).

So my advice is, if you feel ill, go to a doctor ASAP, don’t self medicate and sure as hell don’t drink tea and pretend it has healing powers.

Or do all of the above and hope and pray it’s not time for you to meet your creator yet.

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Photo Courtesy – https://twitter.com/mojorojo , http://www.relatably.com/m/sick-memeshttp://www.relatably.com/m/sick-memes