One Last Time

I wrote this at 5AM.

I have been in bed trying to fall asleep for 3 hours now. In a last desperate move I even tried watching OK Jaanu (yes, you may judge me a little🙄). When even the constant “Oye”s in the movie failed to put me to sleep I really started wondering the reason for the constant dark circles I have been parading around the past few days. 

Anxiety. 

With just another night left in Pune, for the first time in half a decade I was leaving my comfort zone. Kerala had become my “parents place” and Pune had become my home. I knew the places, people, roads and buildings here. If you want to eat out, I can tell you what to eat from where. If you want to go shopping I can tell you which place has the cheapest items. I can plan the best day out for you and tell you which clubs have the best music. I can tell you how nice it is to dance and sing at High Spirits and then go stand facing the river at Mix36. I can tell you to walk on Lane 1 and get spooked in KP. 

Things will have changed next time I come to Pune. 

For one thing I won’t call it home anymore. I will be a visitor. The Symbiosis sign I’ll see as I land will invoke nostalgia, not homecoming. 

There’ll never be a return ticket to Pune. There will never be telling the auto driver to take me to Rohan Mithila. There will never be waking up to screams and shouting of breakfast plans. There won’t be another “we should toootally eat/dance there duudee”. There will never be late night rush to finish deadlines and finally falling asleep saying “it’s not like they are going to do anything if we submit it late!Fuck it maan!”. There will never be “roadtrips” to go eat at Le Plaisir. Probably never be cribbing about early morning (that’s anything before 10) lectures. There’ll not be another visit to the college cafeteria just to get out of it a minute later complaining how the juniors have taken up every inch of the new campus. Also the constant “why the hell did we have to move to the new campus anyway?!”

There are faces I grew accustomed seeing; people I saw every single day. People who will slowly end up being random Facebook updates. It is something else hugging a friend or classmate and knowing that it probably is the very last time you’ll ever see them. 

Doing everything one last time. 

Meeting everyone one last time. 

Going to places one last time.

Was University worth it? Absolutely. Not because of what I learned in my textbooks; anybody can read from a book. It’s what the people there taught me; to love, to trust, to help, to care, to dance, to appreciate, to be happy, to be grateful and to accept myself as the absolute weirdo I am.

Above all, they taught me that at the end of the day if you’re able to come back home and be amongst people who can make you laugh until there are tears in your eyes, nothing else matters; you have everything you need. 

I have never been sadder to board a flight to Kochi, ever. 

Vices || The PAw’s Thoughts

I noticed something in the past few months during my interaction with the world. Everybody seems to want to know what my vices are. Very honestly the first time someone asked me what my vices were, I had to google what “vices” meant (Yeah, I didn’t know. It’s no big deal).

vice
Vocabulary lessons for the uninitiated.

So vices are basically your bad habits. And apparently the good old “I bite my nails” or “I don’t wash my hair everyday” don’t count. Vices are worse things, apparently.

Everybody I meet seem to want to put horrible ass shitz into their body.  The list starts from coffee (which is only a hug from the heaven lets be honest) and passes through alcohol and cigarettes and end in chemicals I don’t even want to name on my blog. And no, I don’t live in some sort of drug addled locality; neither do I go around making friends with the “wrong kind”. These are actually really good people, they just have vices.

If you ask me, I honestly don’t even know where people get half of these things from. My idea of indulging in a vice is going to a club and getting shots on shots on shots (truthfully though, I don’t need more than 2). I don’t have a favourite “sutta waala bhaiyya” (that’s the cigarette seller for non-hindi speaking peeps) and I definitely don’t have my personal drug dealer (no judgement… I guess…). I am not making these proclamations from a moral high horse, let me be clear. It’s coming from a place of concern.

I understand the want to experiment things in your life. For me the experimenting is closer to buying chicken biryani from that “new place that opened and nobody has really reviewed it so we don’t know if its good or will give you diarrhea”. But I honestly don’t understand how someone can snort cocaine when it’s known to be as addictive and harmful as it is. I can’t think of many reasons where someone might hate themselves/their body soo much that they do shitz like this.

Of course, I don’t mind people using the organic stuff 😛 (not that my minding it or not has anything to do with their personal choices), but its scary how easily certain chemicals which I believe to be evil incarnate are named and revered by everyone soo casually. Have they all tried it or is it just a means to look “cool” (it’s not cool btw.)

To anyone asking me about my vices, let me tell you this: I would rather sit around with my friends drinking chai than experiment hard drugs. I like those days when we meet each other for coffee and vada pav or something and NOT to smoke up and experiment a new whatever your personal drug dealer gave you.

Seriously, the next stranger who asks me about my vices is getting his/her ass kicked.

So basically, drugs are not cool, you don’t need a personal drug dealer, smoking is for losers and your body, health and future is more important than whatever your “friend” asked you to snort.

love,

paw

 

 

Reasons Why I’m Going to Fail in Life.

  1. I obviously can’t write a proper blog title. 8 words for a title. I mean, c’mon dude. Try a little harder!
At least I am better than ToI’s writer!

2. Procrastination – this very post is a result of me procrastinating; I am supposed to be helping a friend finish his research for some college work right now. If there is work that needs finishing, you can count on me to procrastinate till the very end and then finish things off in panic mode. Thing is, nothing is ever perfect when done in panic mode.

3. Priorities – let’s just say I am late for class and I am power walking (read: have an intense expression on face but walk in normal speed coz let’s face it, I am very unfit) to college. If I see a dog on the street and the dog gives me the “look”, I will stop and pet the dog. If I need an ice tea before class, I will get it even if it means I might not be able to enter the class (based on a true story from my 2nd year of college. Professor didn’t understand the need for ice tea.).

3. Sleep – stop reading and comment below: you are starving but you feel numb with sleeplessness. But you cant have both. So, if you have to choose between food and sleep, what’ll you choose?

Me, I choose sleep. I don’t mind dying of hunger while I sleep. That is what sleep means to me. So if I wake up one morning and my body tells me I need more sleep, I will sleep. Don’t care about no assignments, tests, semester end exams, food, water etc. And you can’t get much done when you sleep so that time spent is a TOTAL waste.

4. Instagram – If I had a penny for every time I told myself that I’d close the app in 5 minutes but ended up scrolling for 3 hours, I’d be a very very rich person by now (no, that is a lie, I might have enough pennies for a meal, but that’s all). I don’t know what it is about Instagram that makes me swipe for hours. You start with the innocent stalking of a friend who put up a photo at her cousin’s wedding and next thing you know you are looking at photos taken at Bonefish Grill in Tulsa (based on a true story).

image
When I did end up on this page, I was soo surprised, I took a screenshot.

Same goes for YouTube sometimes but I fall asleep watching YouTube videos. You never fall asleep looking at photos of locals from Tulsa!

5. I watch a LOT of crap TV shows – I don’t really know why, but I really like watching TV shows. Mostly the crappy ones. I don’t mind spending my time on shows like Game of Thrones or Sherlock; they are pieces of art and I appreciate their existence. However, when you waste time watching crap reality shows like the Bachelor/Bachelorrette, Splitsvilla, Roadies, some supernatural shitz etc., you need to worry. Recently I started watching this show called True Blood and I was disgusted when I realised I was on Episode 8 of the first season. The show was just a lot of sex and vampires and fangs and dripping blood and a very confused/slighly psychotic girl and they all speak with a South American accent (which I think they are making a mockery of tbh). Worst part is, I watched 8 episodes of that shit.

I could’ve probably changed the world in those 400 hours! (Yes, I am very proud of myself for the intense calculation I did there)

This list is actually much longer that this so I’ll continue in another post. Let’s hope the title isn’t longer next time. :/

 

love,

me:)

 

Photo Courtesy – http://www.catchnews.com/life-society-news/twitter-takes-on-toi-s-epic-length-headline-hilarity-ensues-1451125594.html , http://mylivingphantasy.tumblr.com/post/121355055664/reasons-why-dans-a-failhttp://www.relatably.com/m/funny-sleeping-memes

Tuesday is the new Monday.

I have been interning at an MNC. This means that for the first time in my life I was exposed to a strict working culture, a 9-6.30 work time with both Saturday and Sunday off. This is very unlike college when I wake up half an hour before class, wear whatever I can find, scribble something during class and come back in a few hours and go back to sleep. These days I am expected to look professional at work and actually get stuff done while I am there.

The perk is that I get two days off now.

This perk however comes with a giant issue – end of weekend misery.

I, like the majority of the mass out there, hate Mondays. I think they are gross, disgusting and good for nothing days which bring no joy in life. Or that is what I thought.

There is another day which actually is worse than Monday and that is Tuesday.

Okay, so Monday is irritating because no one wants to get back to work after lazing around for two days. Monday brings back the routine in life and if you are anything like me you’d start mourning the arrival of Monday as early as from Sunday evening. What I realised these past few weeks is that Monday passes by quite fast. You expect it to be dreadful and boring, so you are sort of protected from it’s impact.

 The numerous dog memes on the internet helps too.

My poor heart!! ❤ ❤

But then Tuesday comes and you know there’s no hope. You have only gotten past Monday and the majority of the week is in front of you and every minute seems an hour long. At this point you are already waiting for the  weekend to come; you count the days to Saturday and that’s 4 days and now you are sad. Also,  Tuesday’s memes aren’t cute enough.

Cute. But not cute enough to save the day. 

Point is, while you all have been raving about how irritating Mondays are, Tuesday has crept upon bad. Go make/find yourself a nice meme for every Tuesday and share it coz seriously, we all need it. As for me, I am counting down for the weekend already.

 

love,

me:)

 

 

Photo Courtesy – https://www.pinterest.com/explore/monday-memes/ , http://www.memes.com/img/175417 , https://www.pinterest.com/pin/542331980099519101/

Money talks

Last week I was in a bit of trouble with money. I couldn’t fit an ATM visit into my schedule (I could if I really tried but that included me walking a bit and I decided to be poor). So I went around that whole week with just INR 100 in my wallet. I mean, I had cards with me but they didn’t take cards in the places where I needed to use money. Point is, this made me realise how expensive stuff were. For some reason, when you swipe a card (which your mom pays for) you don’t really understand the value of cash.

I remember a time when I used to go to school with less than 100 rupees. And this used to stay in my wallet for weeks! It is understandable in a way because I made no detours between school and home and so there wasn’t really any place where I could spend money. When I started going for tuitions after class hours in 12th grade, I remember my friend and I frequenting this bakery… Cutlets there cost 3 rupees. I used to eat 2 of them.

My friend used to joke that they used crow meat in them and I am worried about that to this day. :/

In the first year of college I remember spending around 100 rupees a day and feeling like I splurged. What sort of brat spends 100 rupees a day?!  Fast forward 4 years later, I am sat here writing this blog with about 400 rupees worth of food around me. I mean, it’s a Thursday and I am alone at home and I needed  dessert so it’s really not entirely my fault, but you know…

What I am trying to say is, things have become expensive. Everything costs at least ₹100. It may not seem like a lot when you casually give out the money but when you think about it, it actually adds up to thousands. Don’t get me wrong, I am still a bit of brat who lives with her parents’ money so I don’t have many complaints. Like Superwoman sang, 🎶Swiping daddy’s card at the club, tweeting bout life being hard🎶 (https://playola.co/embed/7cf75e).

But an year from now I am going to graduate and will be expected to make my own money and pay my own bills and all that.

What the hell am I going to do then?!

Also, I am pretty sure by then Dosa will cost like 200 bucks and tea will be like 50 or whatever. And Starbucks is definitely going to be an issue. How the hell am I going to pay rent AND frequent Starbucks?! (It’s not the coffee. It’s the cookies I am after.). I am probably going to have to cook , but then gas and electricity are both going to come with bills. Also, I hear you don’t always get to stay next to your workplace so that must mean I may have to walk miles or take some sort of vehicle (which again, costs money).

I have a feeling I am going to be very healthy after graduation, what with all the walking and eating raw vegetables because I can’t cook/everything is expensive scenario.

That’s the silver lining I guess.

All this is IF I ever get a job and make money for myself. Otherwise I am very screwed. I hope y’all are here one year from now because I am going to have to eat raw vegetables then and it’ll be better if I have someone to vent to. 😭

love,

(not-broke-yet) me:)
Gif made from – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S–NqtZH06o

Photo Courtesy – https://memegenerator.net/instance/51769329

P. S. I am grateful for the life I have and the intention is just humour. I dont mean to offend anyone with talks of me being poor/broke.

Things I Like About Myself || The Miranda Sings Award

Last time I was nominated for an award, I totally procrastinated and did not do it. I felt horrible; like I was being horribly disrespectful to the person who nominated me (Sorry Savio! Your blog is still bomb tho ❤ )

This time I have been nominated by Strictly Light Hearted who is tots adorbs and a sweetheart! I am supposed to state 7 things I love about myself and since we are on the subject of 7 things I like about myself, I am going to leave this here:

Also, this song used to be my absolute favourite jam and it came out in 2008. The fact that 2008 was 8 years ago makes me feel hella old and since this is not a post about how unfair aging is, let’s go back to things I like about myself –

  • I am well aware of who I am: There are people who say they took forever to figure out who they were. I sort of know who I am perfectly. I am the slob who is capable of not getting out of bed for weeks as long as I am provided with food and wifi. I am also the idiot who cannot cross roads on her own. I am the unbelievable nerd who can still tell you things she learned in school but cannot calculate 7+6 without her fingers. I am also the person who is kind, compassionate and loving. Oh oh, I am the one who procrastinates her way out of nominations (-.-).

  • Feel em’ vibes – Understanding what the person I am talking to is actually like has helped me out of tons of possible crap that could’ve happened to me. Like seriously, some people out there have rotten vibes. I figure out these people very well and stay as far away from them as possible.
  • Self-Dependent – My mom keeps telling me that I never listen to anyone’s advice. That is totally wrong. I do listen, I rarely follow it. Thing is, I am very dependent on myself and that means I take my own decisions and stick with that. I don’t mind people telling me what to do but chances are, I will end up doing what my heart tells me to do.
dog-doing-his-own-chores
And that also means more often that not, I end up having to pick up my own crap. And that is okay.
  • A bit o’ self obsession – I cannot stress this enough, but loving yourself is the most important thing in the world. Only a person who loves the way they are can then do great things in life. Don’t be obsessed with yourself though, that will cloud you from listening to constructive criticism others give you.  A little obsession never hurt though, right? Right? Right? 😛
  • I care – I know that simply caring about certain things cannot make any difference to the world, your actions matter. But it is one step closer to the change you’d want to make. For example, last day someone messaged me and during our conversation this person told me that my profile picture made me look like a trans-woman.  Me being a supporter of the LGBTQ+ community replied with this:

Snapchat-1016480824649275046

 

I hate it when people use terms like gay, transgender etc. as derogatory words. There is nothing to be ashamed about what gender you identify as or what gender you fall in love with. I care for the people who suffer because of the negativity associated to these words.

Now, if I had not cared, I wouldn’t have made someone see a little sense now, would I? (I do not think this person actually understood what I tried to tell, but I hope they did).

 

  • My baby is still alive – there is nothing I am more proud about than this blog right here. It is testament to the fact that if I like something I’ll stick to doing it. It is testament to the fact that there are a lot of nice, genuine writers out there. It is also testament to the fact that I can sort of write (something I did not believe in before). Also, now when people ask me about my hobbies, I don’t have to lie and say I like hiking or whatever. I can give them the URL to this 😀
  • Not too much mess (yet!) – Thing is, I grew up in a pretty small town and life was much different. I studied well, had friends and the teachers liked me. I thought I was one of the best people to have existed. This sort of thinking can really screw up a teenager, especially when college hits and you realise you are nothing but a big ol’ pile of poop. I see people making terrible choices around me but I stay clean of it.I don’t know how I didn’t mess up, but I am grateful I didn’t!

Now I would like to nominate these 7 peeps! –

The Extraa Mile

Musing Site

Mr. Tookles 

Shiny Buttons Blog

That Weird Brown Girl 

Musings of an Indian Aussie Hijabi 

Have fun writing, guys!

 

love,

me:)

Photo Courtesy – http://stevenjoan.tumblr.com/http://s657.photobucket.com/user/crazychica572/media/funny%20animals/dog-doing-his-own-chores.jpg.htmlhttp://www.thejewelleryeditor.com/bridal/the-princess-effect-how-tiaras-became-fashionable-again/

 

The Browsing Position.

You know that manner which your body convolutes into when you are on your laptop for hours at a stretch doing good for nothing stuff like watching cat videos, soldiers coming back home videos or even taking the most random BuzzFeed quizzes?

It looks a little like this:

Yeah, that one. I have a story to tell y’all about this. (I’m kidding. The story has very less to do about this but a lot to do with me having to rant a little. #NotMisleading )

So, we had a kinda important week in college with many submissions and tests and viva (basically any crap the teachers think will help us “learn”). This meant that I procrastinated more than ever this previous week and assumed this position for more than 5 hours, everyday (Okay maybe not 5. Like 9 hours, more or less :/ ). Saturday was the last submission and the deadline was 4PM. You know, you’d think I would have learned my lesson from all these years of waiting till the last minute to submit stuff. But no, I finished my work at about 3:45 and then had to power-walk/semi-run to college. Then, panting and sweating with a very questionable hairdo (coz of the wind and the sweat and not combing the said hair for about 3 days), I reached the photocopy centre. Now, this place is basically a high desk, behind which are two photocopy machines, two computers and two printers. Not to mention two very very lazy dudes who live in their own little bubble. Like, I am not even kidding, one time asked one of them to take a copy for me and he stared at me for a full 5 minute period before walking away from me to sit down on a nearby chair. Imagine that and my possible bewildered look at his response.

Anyway, I stand in queue with a ton of other random lazy asses like me who did not do their work on time, finally got my thingy printed and submitted it. I was then walking back home when I realised that there was an excruciating pain on my lower back which was basically making me walk like a drunk old woman. You know sometimes you get these pains and you convince yourself that that is how you are going to die? That was me.

I get back home and assume my browsing position and my genius brain figures it out. It is the browsing position that gave me the back pain! See, I had spent too much time sitting like that, my body couldn’t handle it. I blame the education system for this. I also blame the legal system. I can’t figure out how the system is liable for my back pain, but I blame it. I also want to blame the internet but I love it waay too much to be harsh to him/her.

So why it took me 5 days to write about this? Because I had a test yesterday I needed to study for and because I procrastinated (what else is new?) and also did not want to assume the browsing position that clearly did not do any good for me.

Also, this post is nothing but me trying to gain all of your sympathy for being an ass and not writing for what I think is a month or something (It’s 13 days. I checked.). Anyway, I am soooo sorry! I got caught up with all the damn university stuff which I still believe do nothing good for me (but still have to do coz as it was pointed out to me, “who in their right mind would leave 4th year of law school?”)

I swear I will do better. Promise. :*

P. S. I still have the pain. If you have a remedy for crap like this, please do let me know.

P. P. S. If anyone is wondering how I did in the submission, TERRIBLY. Least marks I’ve ever gotten in my whole college life. Yeah, education isn’t stressful or anything! :/

P. P. P. S. Love 🙂

Photo Courtesy – http://of-lions-and-llamas.tumblr.com/post/108453724631/this-was-probably-made-to-help-danisnotonfire-and , http://www.findmemes.com/college-memes

Looking Back – Profession Edition.

When I was young, I wanted to be a lot of things. I mean, work wise. As in the “when I grow up I want to be…” thing. I remember wanting to be a teacher for the longest time. That was back when we all loved our teachers and thought they were the coolest beings on Earth. They had all the crayons and drawing papers with them; of course, they were cool! It was probably also because back then they gave less home work and did not make you want to kill yourself. Aah, how college changes you!

Anyway, later I decided that being a teacher was boring and I tried to look beyond that profession. After many phases of life which saw me wanting to be a doctor (although I run at the sight of a needle), a software engineer (I did not know what the profession was about. It sounded cool.), a chef (cooking and burnt food are synonymous for me.) and even a clothing/shoe store sales girl (which to this day I want to become), I decided to become a pilot. This decision happened somewhere around my 10th Grade which meant that everyone around me kept asking what I wanted to become when I “grew up”. I happily told them that my dream was to fly some aeroplanes. The aunty who used to cut my hair back then still complains that I did not keep my word of giving her a free ride when I fly the craft myself. Poor Aunty!

Anyway, 10th Standard happened and I passed all my subjects with top grades #NerdAlert. Since flying flights was the dream, I took the science stream with Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics and Computer Programming (C++ still gives me the chills. The bad kind). It was during my years of learning Physics in Higher Secondary classes that I learned how dumb I am. Don’t get me wrong, I am not entirely stupid but I was surely not going to become a pilot. That was a #RealityCheck .

I was okay with that though. When all my school mates sat studying for their Engineering and Medical Entrance Examinations, I told everyone that I was going to take up a Bachelor’s degree in English. I still remember the look of utter astonishment on my Chemistry Sir’s face when I told him I wasn’t going to waste my time writing an Entrance Examination for Engineering because “I didn’t feel like it”. He complained to my mom at the open house that I was wasting my life. We still laugh about the scandalous look on my teacher’s face when my mom did not reciprocate his feelings!

Later on during the holidays, my friend called me up and asked if I would be kind enough to accompany her to a Law Entrance Coaching class. I was bored, mom said go, my friend needed me. So I said okay. And that’s when things changed. I sat in the class and for the first time ever I was learning something I could use in my daily life. There were no alphabets in Mathematics, no chemical equations I would never need in my life, no theory about Torque that made me want to cry. I learned what my rights were, I learned how to argue like a lady (and not bite off someone’s head if they disagreed with my opinions) and most importantly, I started learning about the world.

The people I came across in the class were more or less my type of people and some time during the entrance coaching class I decided I wanted to learn law. So, I did. 🙂

It was not that easy to get into the college I study in. Hell, it was one of the hardest process I went through. But it has also been one of the best decisions of my life. That story, however, is for another day.

Today, I am learning law. I write blogs. I have plans to travel the world. I am still working on trying my hand at being a sales girl. I do not know where I am going, profession wise; but I am patient. I really wish I could grow up and become a dog, though. That would be one cool life! 😛

In the comments below tell me what you want to become you “grow up”. If you think you are a grown up already, tell me if the plans you made as a kid came true. Also, follow my blog, like the post if you think it’s good. Share it with your friends by copy-pasting the link in the address bar to your social media sites.Thanks for reading! Love 🙂

P.S.: Remember to look back at your life and smile. If there is nothing smile-worthy there, don’t look back. The road ahead is sure going to be much more fun. #OptimismRules

Photo Courtesy: http://theparentbible.com/grow-up/