babies

So, I have a new cousin now.

Well, he’s not exactly new, he’s been around for almost 6 months now and he is a sweetheart most of the times.

But, if you know me you also know that I am not much of a infant/baby/toddler/kid/young people person. I dislike (trying hard to not type ‘hate’ there) spending time with them (for eg: in flights) because you can’t reason with them and that irritates me. And most of them are brats. And they are touchy. And they don’t get humour. And they’re very fragile. And they are unreasonably loud. And very bad eating manners. And no good at conversations. And idiotic (for the most part).

Basically, I am not a fan.

But then, this little guy came along and I decided to keep my feelings aside and give the dude a chance. I met him in March and he seemed nice. Smiled at me and stuff, so I was happy.

Anyway, last week I actually got to spent time with him. I was made to babysit him and I realised how tough it is to look after a baby. I have always been that person who stood on the perimeter and scoffed at baby tantrums (yes, I am not a very nice person sometimes) but never took notice of how to care for a baby.

First things first, did you know they have a soft spot on their head? Like, there’s this region which is all soft, very unlike our hard heads. And then I remembered this!

So basically, you must be very very very careful while holding them. Which brings me to the whole compulsion behind everyone wanting me to hold the baby. I am not someone who has hung out with many babies in my life and so I do not know how to hold a baby. This apparently is a big deal and everyone either mocks me for this or says I am useless. I don’t get it, why should everyone know how to hold a baby? He’ll learn to walk soon enough and be self-dependent. Meanwhile, let him acquaint with the floor.

Also, maybe if everyone didn’t walk around holding the baby, he’ll be more serious about getting it done and start walking on his own soon!

Then there’s the whole drool/pee/poo situation. The drools I sort of got used to because it wasn’t too nasty and fortunately no poo situations arose during my time with the baby. And the two times pee happened on my watch, my ninja impulses kicked in and I saved myself from the pee-flow area (it’s a boy baby we’re talking about here. His reach is pretty insane and I think I am the only person who is pee-free. Needless to say, I am very proud of my ninja skills.😎)

They cry a lot too. Hungry? Cry.

Tired? Cry.

Too hot? Cry.

Too many people around? Cry.

Bored? Cry.

Your elder sister accidentally hit you on your forehead with her giant front tooth? Cry.

Yeah, I may have left a small mark on my 6 month old cousin’s forehead. He thought I was the pillow and smashed his head on my face. It wasn’t fluffy. He cried a lot and I tweeted this.

https://twitter.com/TheSpeakingPAw/status/736137702844698624

I slept in another room so I didn’t know this until later, but babies wake up crying every 2 hours to eat at night and his mom has to wake up with him and feed him and stuff. So basically, you don’t get to sleep much at all. Also, this one pees like once every 10 minutes too and the laundry is a giant load. Too many clothes for a tiny baby! And the detergent used is different so his laundry is done separate from the rest of us peasants. I mean, talk about high maintenance! I still don’t understand why people want to reproduce because honestly, it seems like a horrible responsibility.

Basically, babies are fun if you are someone who can sit around looking at a crawling, smiling, crying tiny person for hours and hours. There’s no conversation involved and most of your time is spent making sure the baby doesn’t try to kill/poison himself.

I don’t mind babysitting for an hour at one stretch and then I start getting restless. Maybe when he grows up a bit we’ll have more things in common because honestly I am not feeling his interest in the whole ‘lick and bite your own fingers and toes till they are covered in drool’ activity.

For now, I shall just observe from afar and try to keep my teeth to myself.

That is all.

Love,

me 🙂

Photo/GIF Courtesy – http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/68697-jdanger-cures-his-advanced-case-of-chronic-patheticism/

I fly quite a lot every year because the minute I get a week off of college I run back home. And during these travels, I have noticed something that keeps happening to me. Always, during every flight – the kids. Not the cute kind who sit on their mother’s lap and sleep, but the ones who scream throughout the journey and will pull your hair to entertain themselves.

Now, the thing is, flights are already not a very pleasant space to be in. I mean, we are thousands of feet above land, in a pressurised metal tube, strapped to a seat and given no parachutes in case something goes wrong. I usually love flight journeys because they take me somewhere. Also, the cabin crew are always sweet and they pamper me with food. Which I have to pay for later, but whatever.

Anyway, for the past few months I have noticed that every time I fly, I end up getting seats next to toddlers. I don’t mind them being there. Trust me, I don’t. However, what makes me want to kinda sorta scream at the top of my voice out of frustration is when they start crying for no apparent reason. I get it if there is turbulence and the child is scared. I get it if the crying starts because the kid’s ears hurt from the pressure. I get it if the screaming is a result of hunger. However, I do not understand the logic of anybody crying when the flight is on the ground, stationary. I do not get the crying when your own mother is rocking you back and forth in her arms, offering you food and toys. I do not get babies.

This last time I specifically asked for the window seat in the last row of the flight because I knew that they rarely gave the last row to mothers with infants. I had a severe headache and was getting into the flight after a 5 hour layover at a very crowded airport. My only wish was to sleep. Forget sleep, maybe just close my eyes and enjoy silence for a bit. Everything was perfect in the beginning. There was a gentleman in the aisle seat and the air hostess announced that boarding was complete. An elated me put my leg up on the middle seat and prepared for what I believed would be a beautiful journey. And then, in came a family with a crying toddler. And they sat right in front of me. “Fine, it’s okay”, I thought. I had my empty middle seat to be happy about.

And then, the air hostess, in an attempt to be sweet to the mother asked her if she and the child wanted to move to the row behind because then the “toddler can have his own seat” (I don’t know what a “own seat” will do to make a crying child go quiet). My luck is so very amazing that I ended up in a journey next to a crying toddler who was throwing his toys all over the place. The stuffed giraffe looked as sad as I did.

This isn’t the first time and I know for sure that this isn’t going to be the last time I whine about crying babies in flights. I know it isn’t the parent’s fault that the child keeps crying in flights but we – the rest of the passengers- have no one else to put the blame on. But to those parents who stare at the other direction when your toddler cries and ruins everyone’s journey, you guys are the worst.

So there goes my short rant. Kids are nice sometimes but I would prefer staying away from them in flights. Are you someone who can handle kids in flights? As in, entertain them if they are next to you? Let me know in the comments. Maybe I can take lessons from you. Also like the post, share it and follow me if you think I am not a horrible human being for complaining about babies.

Love 🙂

Photo Courtesy – http://www.justpo.st/channel/asked+to+switch+seats+on+a+plane+because+i+was+sitting+next+to+a+crying+baby