Ya’ll Need To Chill – Episode #1

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This series is in collaboration with the wonderful WBG from ThatWeirdBrownGirl!

Disclaimer: Every single opinion and experience is in conjunction with the Indian society, the society and people that we’ve grown up with. If you’re not Indian but the instances are similar, we’re glad you can relate and understand. If you ARE Indian and try denying/ arguing about this, may God bless your soul because it’ll be ripped to shreds by our hands.

YNTC Episode #1: “Your bra strap is showing”

Oh! The…the disgrace, we…have…betrayed the world….EVERYONE! We’ve let the whole world in on THE most guarded secret of all time, one that puts even the secrets that resides within Area 51 to shame! The secret that WOMEN WEAR BRAS BECAUSE WE HAVE BOOBS.

We didn’t know wearing bras were a secret or did we miss out on something important? Some announcement where the visibility of bra straps held people to question virtue of a woman? So you’re saying that the piece of cloth that covers breasts, breasts that people sexualize, are offensive to your eyes? And that we should be embarrassed when people know, or acknowledge, that we wear a bra?

Breaking news: when a woman’s bra strap is visible, she’s “shameless”, or “asking for it” according to people, men in particular, MEN who know squat about the chest area, unless they’re fantasizing about it.

“Look at her, walking around, cheating on all her boyfriends” “Well, a woman has needs, right?” “I can see her bra strap” “OMG what an ATTENTION WHORE!”

Excuse me, but do you know how expensive bras are?! Especially, the smooth, satin-like, makes-me-feel-like-a-goddess ones?! Our bras are expensive and pretty, therefore ex-squeeze me while we pull it out for people to appreciate it. What’s the point of hiding these wonders if people don’t see them?

Believe it or not, but there are phrases that indirectly tell you that your strap is showing like- “Your boyfriend is seen” or “India is coming out of Asia”. Like, WOW. Why not come up with something more subtle and fun, like- “Your pull out game is strong” or “Your boob armour is showing”, why not? Personally, we’re fond of the latter.

The extent of drama that comes with our bra strap making an appearance in public, you’d think it’s an offence graver than some “kEwL gUyzZ” walking around in their low waist jeans, with their butts hanging out. Yeah, btw, that is one of the first arguments against the bra strap. That “if men can’t show their underpants, women can’t show their bra strap” (actually read in the comments section of a Facebook Post defending the bra strap).

First of all, we personally have no issues seeing a man’s underpants. Not that we particularly enjoy having to see them in the metro or bus, but we can always look away and so that’s what we do (which one can do for the bra strap too, just saying). Also, it’s not the underpants that people hate seeing; it’s the bum crack everyone has a problem with. And anyway, comparing a bra strap to the underpants is not fair to the bra strap coz you know, bra straps are mostly always cute, unlike certain hole-y underpants some of us had the misfortune of seeing.

Aeons ago, in a land far far away, there was once an older lady arguing that if we allow bra straps to be shown today, next we’ll be allowing naked women to walk out and about in the streets. Yes, that’s very true. Today it’s the bra strap, tomorrow it’s the Parliament calling an emergency session to change the existing laws on public nudity, and day after all women are getting naked and the week after that complete anarchy ensues. TOTALLY going to happen. TOTALLY. We love enjoying a cool breeze around our privates, thank you very much.

Let’s get to the bottom line. It’s a strap. It’s an effin bra strap. It’s essentially coloured elastic band. Can’t we all just get over the piece of cloth and move on to caring about the bigger things in life? Like women not being able be in public without getting harassed, or gay people not being able to get married or the bee population dying massively? Can’t we?

We got a wonderful answer on Twitter from a fellow WPer, Zalak of ZalakWrites , when asked what goes through her mind when someone tells her that her bra strap is visible. She imparted pearls of wisdom, saying:

“When I hear this, I reply saying FYI. And walk on. Never saw anyone pulling up a man for scratching his balls or adjusting his undies in public”

Other than the serious rampant issue of misogyny, can we just compare the very ACT of adjusting one’s straps with adjusting one’s balls? How is placing your hand gobsmack to your crotch, wiggling, pulling out what seems to be a front-faced wedgie, not frowned upon but pretending to scratch your neck while subtly moving an elastic band an inch to the other direction an embarrassment?

And who, in the mighty depths of Hades, gave the decision that coloured bras are a no-no under white t-shirts? Bruh please, it’s bad enough that we don’t get to wear our lacy, sexy undies for a week, every month, for the majority of our life-span, so leave our clothes and sod off. Hell hath no fury like withholding something shimmery from a woman.

The next time someone comes up to you, gawking about how your bra strap/bra is visible, put your hand inside your shirt, pull out the confetti, throw it in their face and walk away.

And if you have an even cooler response, let us know in the comments! 😀

And remember, BRAS BEFORE BROS!

Cheers!

WBG and Paw 🙂

 

Hey guys! So, this is a regular series that we’re planning on continuing together, forever and ever! We’ve been brainstorming this for quite some time and we’ve finally glued together the scraps and whispered the magic words and brought this to life!

The main aim of this series is to bash out every silly, racist, sexist things that have ever been said to us, personally and in general, with sass and style.

And it is not limited to gender or country. If any of you folks have something to vent out, LET US KNOW. Anything that’s ever been directed at you or to the people that you know, LET US KNOW. Click on both of our CONTACT pages in the menu, and get to venting!

Until then,

Cheers!

Time Spent in Mumbai || Time Spent in Series

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It’s been a while since I moved to Mumbai for an internship. You know, the land of Bollywood, glitz, glamour, rich, rags, local trains and everything else in between. I was terrified about moving here but now that I am here, I decided to extend my stay for a few more weeks. Don’t get me wrong, this is faar from my comfort zone, it’s a craazy place. But there’s something about the crowd and the people that I want to enjoy for a little longer.

So what all did I notice in these past two weeks?

  • Rude People

Most people told me that Mumbai is one of the most welcoming places because of how tolerant the people are. I agree that the people here are tolerant.. But they are also super busy. This means that they have no time for you or your doubts/concerns/BS. This makes them very very rude sometimes.

Everyone I know are good, nice people. People I don’t know, like rickshaw waalas, uber guys, shopkeepers, random strangers… they scream at me for everything.

I got yelled at soooo many times, it’s not even funny. Rickshaw drivers yell at me because I have no coins with me to pay them and they, for some reason, don’t want to part with the coins they have in their little pouch. They also scream at me for losing my way and telling them to take a wrong turn (that’s not my fault, Google Maps hangs on me sometimes). I get screamed at by pedestrians for walking too slow (I don’t walk slow, they walk too fast).

Things have sort of changed now though. I have also started screaming back at people. After a point you start getting pissed at people trying to get on your nerves for no apparent reason. Maybe this is what they mean by “Mumbai changes you maaan!”. I have however noticed that people who yell at me calm down a little when I yell back at them.

  • Geography

Needless to say, Mumbai is a huge city. Soo huge, that it takes hours and hours to reach from one end of the city to the other. Places I want to go to and people I want to meet live on the absolute other side of the city. I have been refusing to take the local trains all this while because this:

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Imma not doing “chayya chayya” with these guys🙏
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What even is this?

So unless ShahRukh Khan himself materialises in front of me and asks me to “chayya chayya” with him, I am not going near any local trains. That means I have to Uber places and even with all the romance I have with Uber (here), I  cannot be content with them charging such high rates to go places. I end up spending all my money on reaching to a place and am perpetually broke.

  • Getting Lost

I pride myself as someone who is pretty good with directions. Unless I am in a mall, I rarely get lost horribly (No, I don’t have an explanation for why I get lost in mall). But in Mumbai, I, for the first time in my life, got lost horribly. Somehow, I managed to walk 3ish kilometres in the exact opposite direction to where I was supposed to go to. With my GPS on. Google MAPS on. People present around to whom I could’ve asked the way. Sign boards around saying I was walking the wrong way.

Still got lost.

Then I had to take an auto, pay extra (which is sad coz I walked so I wouldn’t have to pay 30 bucks. Yes, I am sometimes cheap.)

  • The Name

Finally, there is the whole issue of whether I must call it “Bombay” or “Mumbai”. I know I am supposed to call it Mumbai, but my parents always said Bombay and I feel like I am too old now to change myself. But then again, I don’t want to get beaten up for not saying the right stuff. People seem to want to scream at me for no reason here anyway don’t want to give them a reason to beat me up too! So I am now a changed person who tries real hard to say “Mumbai”.

  • Joeys and Theo’s ka Pyaar. 

Have you heard of Joeys? The pizza place? Their meat ultimo? No?

Take the next flight here. You need this pizza in your life.

It’s crowded, getting your pizza is a huge task and there is usually no place to sit there and ambience is non-existent. But the pizza – I think this place is actual proof that heaven exists.

Then there’s Theobroma. I am not a huge chocolate person, but even I think their desserts are AMAZEBALLS. There are many other dessert places around here too. I have many more to get to so 2017 is going to be pretty cool food wise at least 😀

All in all, I guess even with all the screaming and getting lost and geography issues, it’s still worth living here. If nothing else goes right, you can always go and get yourself good pizza and a cookie (get screamed at the auto guys on your way there and back, but whatever). The city is inspiring actually. Mumbai makes you want to work, to do something with your life. I don’t think many people can sit a home and do nothing all day after seeing the struggles people around get to chase their dreams.

And anyway, Coldplay has come here so that solves any issue I have with this land.

😛

 

love,

me:)

Photo Courtesy – https://kaipullai.com/2011/08/15/hello-world/http://www.i24news.tv/fr/actu/international/asie-pacifique/64961-150320-un-train-deraille-dans-le-nord-de-l-inde-21-//mortshttp://www.i24news.tv/fr/actu/international/asie-pacifique/64961-150320-un-train-deraille-dans-le-nord-de-l-inde-21-mortshttp://www.mumbaieastwest.in/events-in-mumbai/love-mumbai-the-symbol-of-love-for-mumbai-installed-at-bandra-reclamation/

Global Citizen Festival, India || Time Spent In Series

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Sooo, I went for the Global Citizen Festival. You know, the thing that is being called the Coldplay concert (and for good reason too. Coldplay is basically heaven’s little Angels performing on Earth). I have been wanting to go since Google’s Twitter account posted this in August:

Everyone was suddenly the biggest fan of the band and I knew getting tickets was going to be an issue. The good tickets (cheap ones of course. Imma no pay 20k for anything) sold-out in seconds. Months passed, and after a “my friend’s friend has a ticket if you pay 7.5k” deal failed a week left to the event, I sort of started being sad. Hope not lost; but sad.

But then the nigh before the event, about 24 hours before Coldplay performed, I got myself a complimentary pass (good hearted people do exist amongst us). It was a whole universe-conspiring-with-me-to-make-it happen sort of situation 💖

I have come back home from the Festival and I have no photos of the event. I would like to tell the world that I made that decision so I could enjoy the show through my own eyes and not through my mobile screen but it was actually mostly because I wanted to save charge on my phone (portable chargers weren’t allowed inside). Phone or no phone, I noticed some real good stuff while I was there, so here goes:

  • Is it me or is Arijit Singh like really cute?

It is not the first time I noticed this, but it sure is the first time I say this out loud. I might have a tiny crush there. He looked soo bloody cute with his curly hair and glasses. The good music adds to the cuteness too.😬

  • Missed Opportunities

Shah Rukh Khan comes on stage to introduce Rahman and he says that anyone who can sing the Malayalam bit in “Jiya Jale” gets to dance with Rahman on stage. I could’ve made history up there on stage had SRK heard me screaming out the Malayalam lyrics. Problems of not having a Gold/Higher Zone pass, I tell you:'(

  • Rahman Rocks (Obviously!); BUT his bassist is a QUEEN!

Firstly, Rahman’s bassist looks like a badass. Then her performance proves she is a real badass. Her hair is literal #Goals. There was a point when Rahman smiled at her and there was soo much pride there. Imagine being soo talented that you invoke pride in Rahman!

Remember that crush I had on Arijit Singh? Yeah, that totally changed and I now have started crushing on her. Such a rockstar ❤

The bassist is a rockstar and then Rahman sings effing “Humma Humma” in effing Tamil at Global Citizen Festival. The hindi-speakers looked confused AF but everyone jumped into jam with him the minute the chorus came up. I made up the entire Tamil lyrics to show off my “skills”, but who cares!

  • Bachchan’s Style

Farhan Akhtar called Amitabh Bachchan to perform with him and while the performance was amazing, I couldn’t help but wonder where I could buy his poncho-kurta thingy from. It was white and comfy and very very stud looking.

I want :/
  • Mandela Effect

Whenever people crowd around, there’s always a truck load of BS around and I specialize in overhearing them. So Vivek Oberoi and Nelson Mandela’s grandson comes on stage for their talk and this girl next to me legit thinks that he is Jay Z. Her friends try to correct her but she wouldn’t listen to them. Finally, after a 15 minute debate, everyone gave up on her and she was convinced that she was right and all her friends were wrong. Mr. Mandela even said something about his grandfather but the debators missed it. I have no idea how I kept a straight face through the whole thing. I tried looking for her when JayZ finally came up on stage but couldn’t find her.

  • JayZ though🤘🤘

Needless to say, the actual Jay Z was nothing like Mr. Mandela. The dude is sooo cool, you instantly feel 10x cooler from just watching him perform. I don’t know much of his music to be honest, but the dude rapped to Chayya Chayya and Mundian To Bach Ke and I was dancing to him like a maniac. Seriously, he made the crowd go CRRRRAZYY.

  • Modi’s Musings

So Modi couldn’t make it to the event so he video conferenced with the 80,000 of us. He wasn’t bad either. He really tried to get on to the young crowd’s wavelength. Cute he was, quoting Bob Dylan and making that little joke about de-monetisation. I just wanted to go give him a hug after the VC<3

  • Who dem girls?

So now after Modi VC’d, everyone expected Coldplay to jump on to the stage and start Paradise or something, but none of that happened. Instead, these two very random girls (who were very hot, so the complaints were minimal) came up on stage and started turning some knobs on their DJ-board-thingy. They were pretty boring if you ask me but mostly so because everyone wanted Coldplay to come on stage. They didn’t really get a fair chance but whoever thought it was a good idea to let them open for Coldplay was clearly delusional.

  • Finally, COLDPLAY happened.🌞👑

I had been waiting for this moment since August and when it finally happened and I heard Chris Martin’s voice flood the grounds, I started laughing out loud. It felt surreal; it felt heavenly. I cannot explain the emotions or the feeling, but every Coldplay fan present there would know what I mean when I say that nothing felt more right than being there at that moment. They played all the crowd favorites, they played some of the old songs for the die-hard fans and they put everything into the performance. Tears were involved, but my heart was super happy and grateful to have experienced them – their first ever concert in India.

Also, Rahman came on stage and Chris and he sang Maa Tujhe Salaam together. Goosebumps on goosebumps happened. Also, can we take a moment to appreciate how Chris totally learned the lyrics while Rahman was performing on stage and decided to wing it? And how he randomly sang Channa Mereya (Must have heard Arijit rehearsing it or something). Such a beautiful soul he has ❤

All in all, the Festival was AMAZING. There was soo much talent, passion and positivity around. People were standing in huge crowds under the blazing sun, sweating and dehydrated (because the lines for water, which the organisers made free (Thank you!), were humongous) but still dancing and singing and cheering for the performers on stage.

Oh, and people who pushed through the rest of us to get to the front without even saying “excuse me”, yeah, you’re all going to hell.

But you know who aren’t going to hell? The nice people who actually did/do good work for the Global Citizen Initiative. I do believe that we are the generation which can end poverty and if you are interested or care, even a tiny bit, about things other than yourself, then please check this out.

Standing in a long line  to get some drinking water or go to the loo was bloody hard, even though I had to do it just the one time. Imagine those people who cannot just open a tap and get fresh water or have the luxury of private washrooms. It sucks.

Coldplay really was the highlight of this mega event, but it is not just about them or the many other performances. All said and done, this is a much bigger cause so please check the site out, do what you can and pledge to be global citizens 🙏

 Oh, and btw, after the Festival I tottally got lost and this random stranger (sent by my relatives whom my dad called in a final attempt to save me) had to come pick me up and drop me home. I forgot the stranger’s name but he has my blessings. I won’t lie, I freaked the heck out when I couldn’t find transportation home. 

But all that was TOTS worth it so imma end this post now.

love,

me:)

Photo Courtesy – https://www.buzzfeed.com/andreborges/the-most-magical-and-wtf-things-that-happened-at-coldplay?utm_term=.acNEEokkgx#.qpJDDGbb6O https://twitter.com/GoogleIndia , https://www.globalcitizen.in/en/,

Do you LOL?

Before we go on with this, LOL is Laughing out Loud; not Lots of Love. Since we are on it, WTF is What The Fuck; not Welcome To Facebook.

Now that that’s clear, let’s get on with my story.

Sometime back I was chatting with this guy and he kept typing a lot of “lol”s. Now I am not one to curtail anyone’s right to LOL, but I was curious. Was this guy really loling (which meant I am very funny), or was he just typing it? I asked him whether people actually LOLed when they typed lol after almost every sentence. He said that people usually type lol when they “smile slightly”.

I’ll take “slight smile” to this face any day TBH.

This got me thinking. How many times have we typed stuff and not actually mean it? I mean, a LOL is unimportant in the grand scheme of things; but certain other things aren’t. I confess to typing things I do not mean hella lot of times.

Firstly let’s talk about all those elaborate plans we make on chat with our friends which we sort of know are never going to happen. I mean, if I had actually gone ahead with every plan I made on chat with a friend I would have seen the whole world by now. Some of these plans are just random “let’s get drunk tonight” and me typing “yes yes. For sure!” knowing that is not an option on a weekday. Then there’s the biggest lie of all times, “hey, we should really catch up sometime!”. Never has that statement actually transpired into real life meeting and catching up. Usually it just ends with catching up over text and that’s it.

There are also those numerous times you send complimentary over texts, not meaning it. Now, I don’t actually do this but I know tons of people who send “congrats” and “that profile photo is sooooo pretty!!!!” and “dude you rocked today’s presentation man!” for no reason other than to just be on good terms with others. Nothing wrong in lifting another person’s spirits up; but don’t blatantly lie maybe?

Oh, and do you guys do this? You’re in a WhatsApp group with a few of your friends but there’s this one person none of you really like so you make a whole another group with the same people except that person you don’t like. I feel like that point sort of defines the beginning of end of your friendship with that person. It has nothing to do with lying on chat, but I just want to know if I am the only person who’s done this.😬

Anyway, from LOLing to outright lies, things aren’t looking too good on my chat scenes at least. If you know me IRL, please still be friends with me :/

 

love,

hoping-I’ll-still-have-friends-after-this, me:)

 

Image Courtesy – https://freakify.com/90-of-faces-are-like-this-when-they-say-lol/

BLACK CAT BLUE SEA AWARD

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This award is really different from the ones I have done before. For one thing, it has a cool name. And the picture is cute AF. That cat is living my #goals right now in the boat.

I was nominated by WBG on 23rd September (my birthday)  so I shall take this as my wordpress birthday gift ❤ . WBG, btw, is one of my most favourite bloggers and I really look up to her writing. We also have tons in common so if you like my posts, I suggest you check her out (you’ll love her blog for SURE).

So, in this award I am supposed to answer the questions WBG gave me and then ask three questions for people I nominate. Here are my answers for her questions –

  • If you had the power to change anything in the world, what would it be and how would you do it?

This sounds like I am one of the finalists in Miss. India competition, but if I had the power to change anything in the world, I would change how hateful some people are and replace it with tons of love.. I feel like hate is the fundamental reason for every horrible thing happening in the world from poverty to terrorism to the refugee crisis. Once I fill everyone’s heart with love, these people will then go on live happier, fulfilling lives and not be unkind to others. There will still be bad people around I guess, but all the horrible things in the world might actually fade away.

Then, I can declare myself the ultimate ruler of the world and throw bad people like Donald Trump and Co. into the outer space  💁

  • When you’re at your lowest point, what motivates you to keep going?

My parents.

I love those two idiots to the core of my existence and at my lowest points when I feel like all hope is lost (which happens at times, and it is totally okay to feel that way), I think about my parents and how much love they have for me. That motivates me to get the F back up and live my life in a way which will make my parents happy and proud about the person they gave birth to. 🙂

  • What’s the jam on your playlist that you’ve got on repeat at the moment? Leave me a link and I’ll listen to it!

It’s not one song, but I have a loop on my phone with my favourites from Chainsmoker’s .

They are Closer, Don’t Let me Down, Waterbed, Roses and All We Know. That’s my jam. Yes, all of them together. On Repeat. All. The. Time.

Now, my questions are –

  1. Name one country in the world you want to travel to. 
  2. If given a choice, would you like to be the President/Prime Minister of your country? And why?
  3. What is the book/movie/TV Show/Song you’re reading/watching/listening to right now? (name one or all 4, doesn’t matter)

 

I now nominate –

WBG – I don’t know if I am allowed to nominate you, but I want to know your answers to these questions. Maybe you could comment?

BloggerRay – I know you don’t do awards, so comment maybe?

VocalPendulum

StrictlyLighthearted

Savio

LittleAprilShower

ShinyButtonsBlog

Shoaib

SmallTownGirl

I really want to know the answers you guys. So if you don’t want to write a whole post, comment and let me know. That applies even if you aren’t nominated (obviously!):)

Curiously waiting for everyone’s answers,

love,

me:)

The Blogger Recognition Award

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I was nominated for this award on 26th August and in true SpeakingPAw fashion, I procrastinated for very very long time. However, I hate not responding to awards like this because they mean a lot to me and I love that people actually care enough about my writing and has taken time to nominate me for it. ❤

Also, it makes me feel very important 😛

Also, right now  it’s between doing this or writing an assignment on Labour Laws. Clearly, education isn’t very important to me 😀

Thank you ShinyButtonsBlog for nominating me! She has amazing fashion and beauty blog posts but go read her baking stuff also. Seriously pretty cooking happening there.

 

First, I am supposed to talk about how I started blogging. To be honest, it was a decision I took in a split second. I was procrastinating doing some work late one night and suddenly decided that I had things to say and googled “free blogging”. WordPress was the first link that came on there. It’s not my first time blogging btw. I’ve tried this on Blogspot once before. I’ll see if I can find the link to that blog but I feel like it deserves a whole other post.  In the meantime, read my first WordPress post.

Secondly, I am supposed to give 2 pieces of advice to new bloggers. The most important thing is to be consistent with your content. No one likes a blogger who doesn’t post on time properly and goes off the map for months at a stretch (AKA Me. I am sorry. I am also a hypocrite.)  Another advice is to keep your blogger friends close. My blogger friends are the people in the WordPress sphere whose writing  inspire me to write and I absolutely love reading their blogs. So if you are new on WordPress, find people whose writing you like and become friends with them. That helps a lot and makes blogging uber fun.

Now, I would like to nominate these guys for the award –

WBG

Little April Shower

Strictly Lighthearted

Vocal Pendulum

Hope you guys don’t take like a million years to do this like I did 🙂

love,

me:)

photo Courtesy – https://www.pinterest.com/pin/126734176984513738/

Thoughts during an Uber ride

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See… I am a lazy bum. I also do not know how to drive. This means that if I am to go out of the house, someone has to appear with some kind of vehicle. I rarely have people around me who are ready to do my bidding. This is why I have a serious romance with Uber. Also, this is not a paid AD for Uber (I Wish!); the romance is real. If you are an Uber user, you are bound to relate to the following.

  • Finding that perfect Uber

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I mean, I know it’s not my skill or my decision as to which Uber I get, but I like to think I have something do with acquiring that perfect Uber. You know, the one that’s close but not too close that you have no time to apply your Kajal or fill in your eyebrow (or whatever it is that non-makeup users do in the last minute).

 

 

  • The first call 

Not very romantic when your Uber driver is a 40 year old father of 3, but nevertheless someone has to call the other and I end up waiting for the driver to call me. And since I don’t call the guy, I end up stalking the car on the App.

  • Endless stalk

I make fun of my mom for staring at the miniature car going around on the App but sometimes I do the same. As I wait for the driver to call me I App-stalk the car making those tiny turns. Sometimes I see the poor guy going in some wrong direction I still won’t call. (#HorriblePersonAlert).

  • Leaving on Time

 

Along with being a lazy bum, I am also very impatient. So when I have to take an Uber it is with utmost care that I leave the house. There is a sweet spot in time when you get down to the entrance of your flat’s building and see the Uber coming into the compound. Only a trained professional can actually achieve that though. I can, sometimes 😎

 

  • Finding the Uber IRL1f5w0mq

Now, it’s not always that you get in that above-mentioned time frame. Either you’re late or the Uber is; and in addition to being a lazy bum and an impatient person I am also perpetually late. This means I have to employ my App stalking skills IRL and find that Uber in the midst of all the cars around. It’s not very tough, but is still a task if the Uber is parked farther than you expected.

 

  • Will the Uber smell like lunch? :/

If you’re someone who threads your eyebrows at a parlour you know how to guess the parlour lady’s lunch from the smell in her hands (is that gross?). I do the same in Ubers. Not a very fun game; but it surely does pass time. It can also give your Biryani cravings if that’s what you smell in there.

  • Do I smell like Lunch?

Close in line with the Uber’s smell is my paranoia that I might actually smell like lunch. Either that or my perfume is too much. Or I stink. You can never win with olfactory I tell you!

  • Which route to take?

If there are multiple routes to a place it’s always irritating choosing the efficient path. You know the traffic is going to be hell in route A, and lesser in route B. But route B is longer and you are already late. You gmble with luck take the shorter route praying to not get stuck in traffic.

Chances are, with my luck, I’ll get stuck in the worst traffic of the decade😒

  • The awkward talking scenes

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You’d think these issues pop up only on first dates! But no, Uber rides are apparently like first dates :/

Some people like my dad are natural Uber talkers who make conversation with the drivers like they’ve been friends since second grade. I, however have no idea what to do some days and end up hearing Uber’s pay scheme for the millionth time (how Uber pays their drivers is my go to conversation point. I have now reached a point where I could probably write a paper on it.)

  • The music conundrum

Headphones? No headphones? One headphone in? Volume low? Too low you can’t hear. Gawd.

  • Directions when you’re almost there

At this time you realise you don’t really know the way to your friends place or to that restaurant you’ve been to a million times. So you tell the guy to follow the GPS and next thing you know, the GPS stays “your destination is on your left” and instead of a restaurant, all you see is a hardware store:/

  • That final goodbye


It’s not supposed to be weird getting out of an Uber, but for awkward me it’s a big deal. First of all, I always forget to tell the guy “thanks” because I am oh-so-excited about reaching my destination. Then I sort of turn back and say thanks and by then the dude is already looking away. He then hears me and turns to look at me with a “what did you say?” look and then I have to say thanks again but now that he has turned I feel like I need to add more so I say something like ” thanks for the ride, nice car” or “thanks for the ride, nice playlist” or “thanks for the ride, good lunch” or something stupid and it just becomes very yuck.

If you don’t relate this or think this is too far fetched, you’re probably not an awkward person, so be glad and share the post. If you do relate to this, thank you for understanding, share the post.:P

But seriously, are you guys ever this awkward in Uber’s/Ola/Autorikshaw or whatever you use? It cannot be just me. Let me know in the comments section so I don’t feel like a total bum.

love,

me:)

 

Photo Courtesy – https://onsizzle.com/i/nelson-mandela-facebook-probably-not-the-best-tactic-car-264117 , https://onsizzle.com/i/uber-twitter-when-you-dont-feel-like-talking-9192https://thoughtcatalog.files.wordpress.com/2016/04/1f5w0mq.jpg , http://www.memegen.com/meme/qj8xvx

What not to do when you’re sick.

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So I have been sick the last couple of days and I realised that every time I get sick there are certain things I keep doing which should have killed me. I still do them anyway and repeat them next time I get sick too. Here’s a list.

  • Pretend you’re “finee!”

The very first thing I do when I get sick is to tell everyone, including myself that I am “finee!”. I might sound like my throat is on fire or my body temperature must be enough to make an omelette, but I will still be “excellent, thank you for asking!”. Certain people are abused a number of times  for repeatedly asking me if I am fine (I know it’s out of concern for me, but I really get annoyed you see).

Then inevitably a time will come when I finally accept to myself that maybe there is a little sickness in me and that really sucks.

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“I am FINEE!”
  • Eat them tabs

I always advise people to not self-medicate. I am also a hypocrite. So what’s the first thing I do when I fall ill?

Yes, I get the medicines all by myself (who else knows my body better than myself?) and eat them and expect miracles to happen in the next 24 hours. It has one in 15 chances of working (accurate, legit statistics.)  and so mostly I end up feeling like shit and death feels closer than ever.

  • Drink tea and pretend your body will heal itself

If I can bring myself to stand up, I will make tea and then imagine it running through my veins, healing me (Yes, a load of bull crap, but that’s how I think). Needless to say that’s never the case and after the hot tea is consumed, the ill state of affairs come back.

  • Just stay in bed and YouTube all day

Usually, I am a person who is addicted to YouTube. When I am sick, I am some who cannot stop watching YouTube. I watch every new and old video available on it and just stay in bed. If no one has ever told this to you before, YouTube stars cannot come help you when you’re sick. Try telling a friend to call an auto and get you to a doctor ASAP.

  • Bath

My sicknesses usually center around my pulmonary system (IGoogledItForYou) which means I must protect myself from exposure to cold and wet environments. However, one thing I do when I feel very very sick is to take a nice long bath. I do use hot water though, but usually this makes me even more sick (I know this, but I do it anyway because habits.). I then progress to a state worse than ever before, scaring my parents and friends. They positively think I am dying by now but I’m officially still “finee!”.

  • Not go to a doctor

Any normal person by now would go to a doctor or ask someone to take them to one. So why don’t I do that?

I don’t like doctors or hospitals or clinics or basically any place which has the authority to put a syringe into me. And I would happily die than have someone hold me down and inject me. It is this kind of thinking that makes you very very sick. But like I said, I am a hypocrite and I barely ever follow my advice when it comes to illness. Thing is, I end up having to go to a doctor anyway and chances are they are forced to put a syringe in me because of how long it took me to consult one (by which time I am right there next to Lucifer.).

So my advice is, if you feel ill, go to a doctor ASAP, don’t self medicate and sure as hell don’t drink tea and pretend it has healing powers.

Or do all of the above and hope and pray it’s not time for you to meet your creator yet.

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Photo Courtesy – https://twitter.com/mojorojo , http://www.relatably.com/m/sick-memeshttp://www.relatably.com/m/sick-memes

 

Reasons Why I’m Going to Fail in Life.

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  1. I obviously can’t write a proper blog title. 8 words for a title. I mean, c’mon dude. Try a little harder!
At least I am better than ToI’s writer!

2. Procrastination – this very post is a result of me procrastinating; I am supposed to be helping a friend finish his research for some college work right now. If there is work that needs finishing, you can count on me to procrastinate till the very end and then finish things off in panic mode. Thing is, nothing is ever perfect when done in panic mode.

3. Priorities – let’s just say I am late for class and I am power walking (read: have an intense expression on face but walk in normal speed coz let’s face it, I am very unfit) to college. If I see a dog on the street and the dog gives me the “look”, I will stop and pet the dog. If I need an ice tea before class, I will get it even if it means I might not be able to enter the class (based on a true story from my 2nd year of college. Professor didn’t understand the need for ice tea.).

3. Sleep – stop reading and comment below: you are starving but you feel numb with sleeplessness. But you cant have both. So, if you have to choose between food and sleep, what’ll you choose?

Me, I choose sleep. I don’t mind dying of hunger while I sleep. That is what sleep means to me. So if I wake up one morning and my body tells me I need more sleep, I will sleep. Don’t care about no assignments, tests, semester end exams, food, water etc. And you can’t get much done when you sleep so that time spent is a TOTAL waste.

4. Instagram – If I had a penny for every time I told myself that I’d close the app in 5 minutes but ended up scrolling for 3 hours, I’d be a very very rich person by now (no, that is a lie, I might have enough pennies for a meal, but that’s all). I don’t know what it is about Instagram that makes me swipe for hours. You start with the innocent stalking of a friend who put up a photo at her cousin’s wedding and next thing you know you are looking at photos taken at Bonefish Grill in Tulsa (based on a true story).

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When I did end up on this page, I was soo surprised, I took a screenshot.

Same goes for YouTube sometimes but I fall asleep watching YouTube videos. You never fall asleep looking at photos of locals from Tulsa!

5. I watch a LOT of crap TV shows – I don’t really know why, but I really like watching TV shows. Mostly the crappy ones. I don’t mind spending my time on shows like Game of Thrones or Sherlock; they are pieces of art and I appreciate their existence. However, when you waste time watching crap reality shows like the Bachelor/Bachelorrette, Splitsvilla, Roadies, some supernatural shitz etc., you need to worry. Recently I started watching this show called True Blood and I was disgusted when I realised I was on Episode 8 of the first season. The show was just a lot of sex and vampires and fangs and dripping blood and a very confused/slighly psychotic girl and they all speak with a South American accent (which I think they are making a mockery of tbh). Worst part is, I watched 8 episodes of that shit.

I could’ve probably changed the world in those 400 hours! (Yes, I am very proud of myself for the intense calculation I did there)

This list is actually much longer that this so I’ll continue in another post. Let’s hope the title isn’t longer next time. :/

 

love,

me:)

 

Photo Courtesy – http://www.catchnews.com/life-society-news/twitter-takes-on-toi-s-epic-length-headline-hilarity-ensues-1451125594.html , http://mylivingphantasy.tumblr.com/post/121355055664/reasons-why-dans-a-failhttp://www.relatably.com/m/funny-sleeping-memes